A Journey of Hope: Josie’s Story

Despite her best efforts to keep her physical wounds hidden, Josie’s best friend immediately noticed her black eye and knew who’d given it to her. And almost as painful as the bruise on her face were the questions that followed. Every plea from her friend to “know better” and “leave him” because she should be thinking of her boys and “know” that this wasn’t okay just made her sink deeper into the consuming pit of shame she was silently drowning in when she was constantly asking herself the same questions. Her friends, her family, even her abuser didn’t have to tell her what a bad mother and person she was because she was already telling those things to herself.

Josie knew she’d depleted all of her sympathetic resources, abandoned all of her most important loving relationships, and lost any hope of a support network every time she took him back. Her partner had been very effective in intimidating her into complete isolation. The threat of connecting with anyone outside of this dominating relationship was too great of a risk. He didn’t forbid her from leaving the house or talking to people, but the consequences were implied if she did. It was her job to tell the lies and keep his secrets. He worked to dismantle her relationships with her sons and everyone else who truly loved her and was powerlessly looking out for her welfare.

“The shame of allowing this to continue was crushing. And I knew I wasn’t myself. I didn’t know how I’d gotten here or how I was going to get out, and I couldn’t name what was happening to me.”

Josie was pushed, dragged, punched, burned with cigarettes, and strangled on multiple occasions. Her abuser choked her until she passed out and left bruises on her neck. He would spit in her face, slap things out of her hands, and even held a machete to her throat. He would push his fist and objects into her face with his full body weight, leaving even more bruises. He would burn and break her possessions, threaten with guns and an ax. He took her phone, kept her from sleeping, and threatened to turn the weapons on her sons while describing in detail how he was going to kill her and each one of them. The physical abuse became the normal and anticipated outcome of the never-ending conflicts he would create. There was an undercurrent of unease, and the constant threats kept Josie in line. Not only was her physical safety threatened but also her financial stability, her integrity, her job security, her self-esteem, her truth, her independence, her joy, and her dignity.

Josie and her sons were under the constant threat of attack, even when things were relatively calm, and there was no opportunity for reflection, repair or healing. Daily survival relied on hypervigilance, confusion, and preparation. Josie had never struggled with suicidal thoughts or ideation, but she began to question if dying was better than having to endure the daily nightmares, especially when she had convinced herself that dying might be the only way to save her sons. She knew how much she’d hurt them by bringing this man into their life and didn’t see any other way out. She didn’t really want to die, but she became okay with it happening. On random occasions of being strangled in the bathroom, while in the midst of her vision fading to black, she would think, “This is for the best.”

“When I think of him, I think of a bomb or a meteor impact. He was a force that leveled my landscape and permanently changed my climate. I found myself in a post-apocalyptic nightmare where the people I loved were missing and I had to relearn how to take care of myself on a basic level with no resources.”

The final blow was a recorded voicemail to Josie of her abuser’s disturbingly detailed threats to kill her and her children, which finally ended in his arrest. From the first night, Anoka County Sheriff’s Office was called, every responding officer led her and her sons one step closer to safety while planting the seed in her mind that she was worth saving. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for offenders to violate no contact orders. In Josie’s case, once her offender was released from jail, he started violating his order immediately. One night, she was sitting at her kitchen table when her dogs started barking, and that was when she realized her abuser was circling her house. She was just scared enough to call the police. When they arrived, they found that he had a loaded shotgun and a machete in his car.

It is very difficult for victims to leave. This was a very dangerous time in Josie’s life, and she was at high risk for further violence. Law enforcement strives to connect victims to Alexandra House as early as possible, especially when victims like Josie feel like they don’t have the strength to break the cycle on their own. She found everything she needed when she couldn’t think for herself. She received unending amounts of grace, understanding, explanations and resources like therapy to heal and legal support for her ongoing court case and an order for protection. Josie was supported through the emotional distress, crisis, and safety concerns while navigating a very complex legal system.

“My advocate led me through the other side of domestic abuse. She anticipated my needs. She walked me through my emotions and reactions. She walked me through the Court case. She gave me context and explanations. She undoubtedly and, without question, SAVED MY LIFE.”

Domestic violence hotlines receive around 17,765 contacts per month via phone, online chat, and texts. One in three Minnesota women will experience sexual or domestic violence in her lifetime and domestic violence can be lethal. Women are killed by intimate partners more often than by any other type of perpetrator and intimate partner violence accounts for 12% of all violent crimes. Arguments and jealousy are common circumstances in the months leading up to intimate partner homicides, and the presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by up to 600%. Children are exposed to violence, too. About 1 in 10 children in the U.S. are exposed to intimate partner violence in their homes in their lifetime.

Your generosity lights the way to safety for a survivor. Your gift has the power to transform Josie’s life and empower other survivors to do the same. Every dollar you give helps us respond to more crisis calls, shelter more families (and now, their pets), and offer more pathways to lasting stability. Whether your gift is large or small, it becomes a lifeline for survivors and their children. We would be honored to help you make a gift that reflects your values and meets the urgent needs of those turning to us for help.

We hope you’ll consider joining our Luminary Society, our treasured community of monthly donors. Your gift will not only be a sustainable way to support victims of domestic and sexual violence but will also have twice the impact! The critical support of sustained giving ensures that survivors like Josie can build safer and more stable lives. However, you choose to give, it is deeply appreciated and will help strengthen our community so that we may, one day, see an end to domestic and sexual violence. Please take a moment to make your contribution today. If you have given recently, thank you so much for your support!

Thank you for providing safety and refuge for survivors and their children. Your generosity guides families toward permanent housing and stability. Your gift helps survivors navigate restraining orders, secure employment and housing, and access legal, financial, and therapeutic support. Your generosity reminds each survivor that the abuse was never their fault…and that they are not alone. We are grateful to you and will be thinking of you and your family this holiday season and beyond.

As you consider the size of your year-end gift, please think about the magnitude of the challenge our community is facing:

1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men aged 18 and older in the US have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 600%.
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the US.
Intimate partner violence accounts for 12% of all violent crime.

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