How to Help a Friend

There are many ways to help a loved one, co-worker, neighbor or friend experiencing abuse. Your support will be a critical part of a victim’s path to safety and will help create a violence-free society for all. Check out these 11 steps to helping someone in your life or go to our Helpful Resources page for more information and detailed handouts.

Call for Help
If you hear a disturbance, and you suspect it may be domestic violence, have the courage to call the police.

Be There
Be available to a friend, relative or neighbor when he or she needs you to listen or needs someone in whom to confide. Be patient and supportive of his or her decisions, even if you do not agree with them. The victim knows the situation best.

Believe the Story
Domestic violence is often shocking, but a victim needs someone to believe what she/he is telling them.

Offer Choices
Be prepared to offer choices a victim can use now or later, whichever is the best time for her/him. Know where else she can turn for help. A good option is to share your local crisis line number. Alexandra House advocates are available 24 hours a day at 763-780-2330.

Be Supportive
Offer validating and supportive phrases such as "You're a good parent," and "Your creativity/thoughtfulness/humor is such a great quality". Make sure your friend knows how much and why you consider her/him so valuable.

Help Out
Victims have shared that even little things like watching the children for a couple of hours, or bringing over a casserole or dessert for the family can make them feel supported.

Be a Mentor
Even if it's just listening to everyday stories of school or playing games, such connections are important to children who often need a healthy role model or mentor.

Educate Yourself
Know the dynamics of domestic violence and how larger social forces, such as sexism, homophobia and gender inequalities lead to domestic violence. Understand that gender-based violence can happen in any relationship.

Advocate
Help raise funds and awareness. Volunteer your time at shelters, donate to domestic violence programs in your area, attend rallies and encourage others to do so. CLICK HERE to learn more about how you can support Alexandra House.

Speak Out
If you think a friend, family member or other loved one is abusing his or her partner, don't look the other way. If you’re not sure what to say, consult a counselor or domestic violence professional to help create a strategy.

Teach Non-Violence
Demonstrate non-violence and encourage others to do so, especially young boys. Avoid sexist magazines, music, movies and other media. Don't tolerate violent behavior of any kind in others and encourage equality whenever possible.

-portions of this list are based on "Ten Things Men Can do to Prevent Gender Violence," by Jackson Katz (www.jacksonkatz.com/wmcd.html).